Today the road split...

Today, the road split. In one direction, I saw 90 percent of people that I was walking away from. I officially became part of the 10 percent to walk down the road that is less traveled. As I type this I am stuck on this next sentence. I need to write the word. I need to say the word. I need to say it out loud or on paper or tell the interwebs in order to make it real. But I still can't. I am still in denial. It's easier to pretend that we're not dealing with infertility. There I said it.

Today was my first appointment with a fertility specialist, a Reproductive Endocrinologist. As the 10th month of TTC came and went with a BFN, I called the office to see if I needed a referral from an OBGYN, which would have taken me a couple more months to secure an appointment and then a referral. Ironically, it's easier to get in to see an RE than it is to see an OBGYN. I'm not typically a type A person but I wanted to be prepared for that dreaded one-year mark that sends people spiralling from happily trying to get pregnant to infertility and testing and needles and dildo cameras. It turns out that I spoke with the RE's wife, and nurse, who quizzed me beyong the basic receptionist questions. Basically the short version is that we've been actively humping like bunnies since the beginning of 2012, plus a few months in 2011 where we weren't actively trying but were'nt avoiding. During that time we were delayed another couple months because of a job/insurance change. We haven't used birth control or protection for close to 3 years. Now while we possibly have missed our fertile window a lot of those first months, it's highly likely that I have ovulated each month. Temping and charting shows that if there is one thing my body is doing right, it is timely ovulation. Keep that I mind though. There's a quiz later.

Blood work for newbies begins next week. I even brought DH a present home and encouraged him to masturbate. For some reason, he's getting the better end of this. I get poked, prodded and lose my dildo cam virginity and he gets to jerk off in a cup.

Anyballs, I became a statistic as soon as I walked into the RE's office. I just don't know yet if I will be ones of those successful statistics that graduates with a baby or ... ah eff ... I'm not even going to think of the alternative.