You know?

You know all those things you've always wanted to do?

You should go do them!

Magical. That's what three days away from reality feels like. DH and I went to a touristy town for some R&R. Add in some shopping, eating, drinking, snow, wind and freezing temps and you have the recipe for a great time.

Our hotel room had a jacuzzi tub In.The.Room. Smack dab in the middle of the room. Not the bathroom. It was in the main room. Tub is here and king size bed was right here -> <- data-blogger-escaped-br="">
You could literally jump from the tub onto the bed. Which we did. There was a concern that if you rolled off the bed you could drown in the tub.

We visited the moonshine factory and several wineries and saw some live music while we walked around in the cold for hours. Christmas lights are everywhere at every single business or square inch of grass. And as many Christmas lights there are, there is equally the same number of pancake eateries. At one point I counted 38 pancake places within 8 miles. That's a whole lot of freaking pancakes.

The theme of the whole vacation was "Don't ruin Christmas!"
DH wanted to go to Walmart with 40,000 other people on the Saturday before Xmas. Obviously I would have rather poked my eyes out with a pencil. Instead my response to everything was "Don't ruin Christmas."

He ate my cookie. "Don't ruin Christmas!"

I gave him wrong directions. Him: "Don't ruin Christmas."

Him: "how about a BJ?"
Me: "no."
Him: "Don't ruin Christmas!"

Long story short, we had a great time. I found some Duck Dynasty stuff. We bought lots of UK stuff on sale at Lids. And I tasted my lifetime desire of moonshine. Real and watered down low proof kind.

 

Merry Christmas y'all!

She' dreaming of sugar cookies and little short people she can kiss. More to come later about our mini vacation, but for now, I wish y'all a Merry Christmas.

Up. Down. Up. Down again.

I'm in a holding pattern right now. Waiting for the Lap. Waiting to TTC again. Waiting for vacation. Waiting for Christmas.

The waiting is brutal. One minute I'm happy. The next I'm depressed. I can barely even look at TB right now. I fully admit to being one of those jealous people now. I see a BFP post and my gut clenches. It's a strange feeling to be happy for that person yet broken at the same time. I know their success doesn't take away from mine. And I truly want these girls to succeed. It's not that I don't want them to be pregnant it's just that my first thought is when will it be my turn.

Because of this, I've stepped away for a bit. I lurk and comment on a couple posts but for the most part I skim the subject and move on. I hope this feeling passes soon. I know it's not the right reaction but its not like I can help it. There's no way to stop the constant nagging of "She did it. Why can't I?"

We're going out of town this weekend. Parents are keeping the dogs. We've never left Bella before so I hope she does OK. I sincerely hope this trip can take my mind off things and help us relax before my Lap next month.

Happy happy happy

Nurse Mary called with with my AMH levels and said my 3.7 was a great number.

Next step is Lap surgery. It's tentatively scheduled for January 10. I should be in the middle of my next cycle. Hopefully I will be recovered enough to resume TTC for the following cycle.

Nothing else to report. I'm staying away from TB for a while. I visit and scan for BFPs and major posts but otherwise I feel the need for a break. I think it has helped. My mind isn't on TTC right now. I stopped charting and until I just checked the chart a few minutes ago I had no idea where I was in my cycle.

Poppy cock!!!

Back story: my former boss has several felony charges facing him. One of which is being tried in court right now. Until today, I was not connected to the trial at all and all things happened previous to me working there.

Then today the shat hitteth the fans. I woke up after my night shift nap to learn that the douche nozzle testified today and in that testimony he somehow connected me to the case through some work I did as a volunteer for a national agency. Are you following this yet? It's not like I'm not being as vague as your crazy high school BFFs Facebook post or anything?

Anydouche, I am pissed. He's discredited the agency and the volunteers with his testimony and the best part is IT'S ALL LIES!!! I love a good liar. They make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside while my blood pressure goes to stroke level and I imagine ways to kill the lying son of the devil.

Problem is the state and defense both have rested their cases. The district attorney is going to speak to the judge about opening it back up for more evidence but at the moment it looks like I will be testifying in a other trial for perjury. I really wish that when people lie that their pants really did catch on fire.

Moonshine and squirrels

Slowly but surely, we're coming out. If I'm going to have to be put to sleep in January, I figured I better tell my immediate family.

I told my mom after my first RE appointment because he wanted my family history. Yesterday, I told my sister in law so she could also tell my brother. They have two small children, 2 yo and 18 month old, and I was scheduled to help her babysit them and two of her sisters kids at the end of the month. However, DH went and finally got me one thing that I actually asked for and booked a hotel room for a mini vacation the weekend before Christmas. Smack dab on the day I was to help with four kids until 3 years old.

This IF shat has thrown me for a loop. Up and down on this never ending ride is making me crazy. I deal with other people's stress everyday. Because of this I always thought I was great at handling a rhinoceros size turd of problems. Turns out I am good at dealing with other people's poop but not my own.

Anyways, because of this DH was wise enough to say lets take a mini vaca and head to a super cheesy tourist town with billions of Christmas lights. We're going to look at the lights, visit a moonshine factory, do a little ice skating, mingle with the crazy frantic shoppers and then have some sex just for funsies. He got a hotel room with a fire place and jacuzzi tub. I can already promise him he will get lucky.

SIL was very understanding when I told her about the upcoming procedures and past struggles so she was OK with me bailing on a day of terror, I mean fun.

I'm going to let DH at least tell his mom and dad that I have a cyst that needs to be removed. They're pretty nosey and I'm afraid if they find out we're TTC the questions will be endless.

Other than that I'm really looking forward to this trip and its taken my mind off everything at least for a few minutes at a time.

See this squirrel? It made me pee a little.

Interviewing FAIL

We're hiring some new full time minions here at hell, I mean 911. By the grace of a humorous God, I am on the interview board and let me just say that America is in a shat load of trouble if these people are the ones who are responsible for your life and death.

A few of the gems from yesterday:

Q: Tell us a little about yourself.
A: I'm not that interesting.
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Q: What are some of your strengths?
A: Counting, money, talking to people...
(Same person)
Q: What are some of your weaknesses?
A: Math
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Q: What kind of people do you like/dislike?
A: I like everyone. I don't like rude people but I can deal with them. Handicap people. But I can deal with them too.

(Sidenote: our score sheets ranged from a possible score of 1-5. This genius got two different scores of ZERO from me.)
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Q: Are you a punctual person?
A: Yes I always arrive 15 minutes early. I hate being late.
Q: What time did you get here today?
A: I was 5 minutes late.
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"I am good at computers and listening to multiple voices in my head."

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My all time favorite interview moment was years ago when I was a news editor for a newspaper. Mr. College Grad Interviewee was talking about the speed in which he edits his stories.

"I'm different from other writers. I can't let go of a story. I edit and read it over and over and over and over. It's like mental masturbation."

Amazingly, we hired him anyways.

Because I have nothing else better to post...

Did someone say Santa Claus is coming?!?!?!

I've sat at work for 11 hours thinking about blogging something. Anything at all. Words. Words. Words.

Not a frickity fracking thing is staying in my head long enough to coherently put words together. The train keeps chugging towards me with whistles blowing and then just totally runs past the station.

I know what the problem is. I'm numb to it all right now. I don't think there's a single minute that goes by that I don't think about something IF, baby, or pregnancy related. At the current moment, I'm mulling over the Lap and all that it entails. Dr. A's office is calling to get insurance pre-approval. But I got hit with a shit ton of bricks last week when I realized my deductible will be $1,600 plus the 20% that insurance won't cover.

Sidenote: my weekly menu now includes a lot of Ramen noodles. Also, Dear Santa, I want cash. I've been good. Love, Me.