CD 17 / 2 DPO

My temps aren't rising. I know. I know. It could mean that I didn't O yet.

But everything else is lining up. My CM, opks, normal O date is all matching except for the temps. Unfortunately I think it's because of my shift work and the crazy weather we're having. It's ranging from -5 degree wind chill to 70 yesterday to flooding and snow tomorrow.

My temps are always off during night shift but my temps usually always rise better than this to at least see a distinct shift. I'm giving it a few more days to regulate. And my RE goes by opks anyways so he would tell me to come in for 7DPO test based on my opk on cd 15.

We're still having sex just in case so hopefully were covered.

Nothing else to report. I'm glad to be in the 2WW again, if that's what this is.

The post in which I should smack myself.

This is going to sound dumb. And whiney. A little bit of stupid too.

Short story is my mom wants to pay for a family trip to the beach this summer. And I don't want to go.

::ducks to avoid flying shoes::

Here's the deal: I would love to go. Honestly, I would. But there are so many other factors to consider.

DH and I have worked hard to save the money that we think will be needed for the birth, baby and maternity leave when we finally get pregnant.

Unfortunately, IF is taking a chunk out of that. I'm staring at $477 in bills right now that DO NOT include my Lap yet, which I know will at least cost me $1,600 for deductible. Anything over that will be 20% of total cost. Insurance covers 80% after deductible.

God that paragraph was depressing. Typing it makes me want to vomit. I've never had any medical problems and the costs of it are astronomical to me.

I've tried to explain to her that if we go with the family which includes my brother, SIL, niece, nephew and my parents, then we can't take our dogs. Boarding them is an expensive option, but Minnie is not social. And we don't have anyone who can properly take care of them. Then there's the cost of travel. Gas on at least a 14 hour drive time, back and forth, will be a couple hundred dollars.

The house where we stay is on Edisto Island, S.C. and it belongs to her boss. Our food cost would be split between all of us but we always go out to eat a few times locally and in Charleston, so that gets pricey too.

I love my family but there is a distinct difference in income between DH and I compared to my parents and brother and SIL. They make more money, whereas DH and I budget and save and spend weeks analyzing the costs vs benefits of something over $100.

We're not poor but we have other priorities with or house renovation and saving for our family.

This trip would be our only vacation because the money that we do have saved is earmarked for major projects. And a vacation is frivolous at this point, especially considering that were staring down the barrel of a $2,000 bill that up until three months ago was completely unexpected.

SQUIRREL.

God this post is rambling and so far off track that the train derailed an hour ago.

Anywho, I've tried to talk to my mom about the possibility of us not being able to go with them. But all she keeps saying is that she will pay for our food at the beach or they will help with whatever we need to go to the beach. I should just say "Fine. Give me $500 to pay for gas, someone to dog sit, food, and recreational spending money."
Plus, DH would have to take off work. He's saving his days for maternity leave time with a newborn. I would be on 7 day break from work and wouldn't have to take time off for the trip.

I don't know. It's just such a terrible thing to whine about. I want to go but I do not want my parents to pay our way.

Why can't I just find a million dollars on the street? Why can't IF be covered completely by insurance? Why can't Nutella be considered a food group?

Ahhhh. There are just too many questions that need to be answered.

I leave you with pretty pictures of Edisto Island. Congratulations if you actually read this novel. You deserve a cookie.

CD 15 / O Day

Today should be O day!

I can't really go by my temps because stooopid night shift frocks them up. I can't sleep for long stretches of time and I'm always hotter when I sleep during the day. Plus the last few days have been insanely cold for our region. A wind chill of -5 last week added up to a morning temp of 96.09. I'm pretty sure my body was almost to the point of turning off, shutting down and giving up the frozen ghost. Let me just add in that 95 degrees is considered hypothermia.

Needless to say my chart looks like a nightmarish cardiac rhythm. I know it's cheating but I'm putting in fake temps for yesterday since I'm sure that 98.7 is not my basal temp. Ever! Even with a fever, I never get over 98 degrees. If my temp gets over 99, I start seeing double and talking out my ars. I'm cold natured.

At this very moment, I am wearing a Mormon level of layers. Two pairs of socks, snowboarding undergarments, tank top, long sleeve shirt, work uniform shirt and a jacket in my work office. I'm looking forward to menopause when I'm in my 50s just so I can have hot flashes.

Anyshat, my hopes are at an all time newbie high. I know that's bad and it just means I will fall harder when AF comes but I'm enjoying the up side of TTC right now. Dr. A told us we have a 70-80% chance of conceiving naturally without any more medical intervention. He's giving us 6 months to see if we can get a BFP on our own. I'm looking forward to the it! Challenge accepted Doc!

Going to milk this one

With laundry stacked above my head and no free hands to turn on the basement light, I started the descent into the dark snake pit this evening.

DH yells from above, "When you get pregnant, I'm going to have to do all the laundry."

It wasn't a statement bemoaning an additional chore. It was a matter of fact statement forbidding me from washing clothes.

I paused and took a moment to calmly assess the statement and keep this hope alive.

Me: "Why?"
DH: "When you get pregnant, you can't go down the stairs."
Me: "Since when does pregnancy make a woman invalid?"
DH: "I won't let you go up and down the steps when you're carrying our baby."

::mentally doing a happy dance::

Me: "That's very sweet. And you're right. That means I also can't make any wood fires (wood stove heater) either."

He enthusiastically agreed.

Boy, is he going to regret those statements one day.

Post Lap surgery visit ***TMI PICS INCLUDED***

*****TMI WARNING SURGICAL PICTURES AT END OF THIS POST*****

Feel free to read on for the text portion and I will warn you again before the pictures appear.

Twelve days post Lap surgery, I had my post op visit with Dr A. I knew a few details from what he told DH after surgery but not much else.

Good news, I did not have an endometrioma, or chocolate cyst. Because of this, he didn't have to touch my ovaries too much, meaning my egg reserve is still in good shape. My AMH before surgery was 3.7 which he was pleased with.

There wasn't a lot of bad news to the whole visit. All of it was what I knew about from before.

He did say that I had at least Stage 2 Endometriosis and he removed it with no problems by ablation.

Dye was shot through my tubes afterwards and it's all clear and smooth sailing.

The one cyst that had us both confused did turn out to be a paratubal cyst. His doubt about this was during the initial ultrasound because he couldn't elongate the tube. Part of this was because the tube and cyst were wrapped around each other and the cyst was an oblong shape. (Pics at bottom of post)

Lord love this man because he was able to remove it and save my Fallopian tube. I could just kiss him for taking such good care of me.

The plan now is to have B/W on cd21 or more accurately 7dpo. For the newbies reading this, the test is a P4 test and accuracy is limited to the blood being drawn as close to 7dpo as possible. He was to make sure my progesterone is up and show that I'm ovulating strong enough for his liking. The last P4 test was 11.1 on 7dpo. (Range should be over 10 on natural cycle or 15 on medicated cycle.)

After that I will have an U/S on cd 3-5 of next cycle. I'm on cd 8 today and could O between cd 12-18. He cleared us for sex for this cycle instead of making me wait an additional week which would have missed my FW. He said as long as I feel fine by Thursday, then happy humping. I couldn't be happier! I really miss sex. And DH is practically begging for it. Today we were practicing putting at Dicks and he was betting each shot that he would hit it and the reward would be a blow job. Poor guy sucks at putting.

Here's my next warning. Don't scroll down if you don't want to see medical pictures. But I'm a freak and I love medical shat so I want to share my innards. The oblong thing is my cyst. He's gone and he was benign, so I bid him farewell!

****TMI*****

Happy snow dance!

I forgot to take pictures of my own snow cream but trust me, this stuff is like sex on a spoon. Y'all will thank me later for this recipe.

GRANDMA'S SNOW ICE CREAM
1 lg. bowl or pan of snow
1 can evaporated or condensed milk (condensed makes it richer)
2 tsp. vanilla
1 c. sugar

Slowly pour the milk over the snow, then sprinkle the vanilla over the snow. Mix lightly with spoon or fork. Sprinkle in the sugar and mix lightly. Eat immediately; do not try to freezer or refrigerate.

Love/Hate relationship with Iago.

Our area got punched in the gut by winter storm Iago last night.

I lurve snow when I'm sitting inside my house with beef stew crocking in the pot. But I loathe snow when I'm at work and 6 inches of snow is dumped at rush hour traffic from 4-6 pm.

We jokingly said we were never getting snow this year unless a cargo plane with cocaine exploded above. DH had to pick me up from work and we made it home safe. However hundreds of cars were stranded for several hours last night on the interstates. We were lucky.

Now that I have a fire going and beef stew giving me a lady lunch boner, I'm all in favor of the snow. And so is Bella. This is one of her first snows of the season and she freaking loves it. She would do zoomies for hours if possible. The fire put was full of snow until she ate the entire 6 inches of it.

Coming up in a bit... Snow cream recipe and pics!!!

I hate to tell you this...

Caller: My neighbors are having sex.
911: Ma'am, sex is not illegal.
Caller: ::hangs up::

Post Lap update! All clear!

I'm still recovering and am in surprisingly less pain than what I anticipated. Thank goodness for Lortabs though. Honestly I think my cramps each month are worse than this pain. The pain now feels a whole lot like cramps but with a whole lot of gas from the CO2 they pump you up with.

The first thing I remember after waking up is rolling on my side and the nurses kept trying to make me lay on my back. They finally gave up after one asked me how I sleep. I said on my side and then I opened my eyes and said, "Am I dreaming?" I kept saying "am I awake?" "Was it all a dream?"

I thought I woke up immediately but apparently time went from 3 pm to 345 and magically my mom and DH walked in the room. Since then I've just been woozie from the pain meds but I've only taken 1 and a half 5 mg lortab today less than 24 hours after surgery.

Just a brief update on what went on inside me since all I really know if what DH told me. RE told DH that he removed stage 2 Endo and the two cysts. One of the cysts was wrapped around my tube. The removal of it was kinda extensive. After all of that he ran dye in and both tubes are now clear for egg traffic!

I go back for a follow up in two weeks so I will learn more details then.

Please let this work.

Tomorrow is surgery day. I'm kinda excited. Will y'all remind me of that tomorrow when I'm freaking out? K. Thx.

Pre-op appointment went well with Dr. A. He explained the procedure, webmd style, and that in my case he would drain an ovarian cyst, what he called a chocolate cyst and ablate it. The paratubal cyst will be dealt with at his discretion. If its not on my Fallopian tube then he will drain it or remove it. If it is on the tube then he may have to remove the tube.

As for the Endo, he's going to remove it and run the dye through my tubes to make sure that it's all clear.

That's all the best case scenario. Worry case scenario is overwhelming Endo scarring and removal of one or both tubes. This would put us straight onto the IVF train. Finance wise, I'm not sure if we could head down that road. Insurance won't cover that. It would be nearly impossible for us to afford more than one IVF cycle. But I'm not thinking about that scenario.

Good news is that according to my REs office they submit a bill of $1,400 for the lap to insurance. We were prepared to pay $1,600 to meet the deductible and 20% of the total surgery cost so this was great news!!!!

For the ones reading this blog, most of you have the basic TTC knowledge and know the details of a lap. This whole post may be redundant for you. However, this blog is also an aid for my memory. I have the worst ability to remember things and I'm afraid that a year from now I won't remember what I went through. I would love to be pregnant within the year and have bigger things to remember besides this shat storm but for now I want to be able to have this place to go back to.

I am worried about DH tomorrow. He will be all alone in the waiting room and besides the basic knowledge I've tried to impart on him I am worried that he won't be able to understand what Dr A says happened during the surgery. I attempted to explain it to him again tonight but he got the same look on his face that I get when he talks about the difference between an engine and an oil pan.

I'm so glad I told my mom and a couple friends about what's going on. They've all been supportive and with a little guidance on what not to say to an infertile, they've all been great.

I will try to update with what I learned as soon as I'm able. But for now, my sweatpants are packed and I'm planning my pre-midnight last meal for the next few hours.

One last thing... Today as I was leaving I asked Dr A what my fertility chances will go up to once the surgery is over. He said that if all goes well it will increase but said "Hope for the best Lesley. We're doing this to increase your fertility not decrease it. Think about the positive."

And then he asked if I saw the girl coming out of the office when I walked in? Yes. I did.

"I'm not promising you the same results, but it is possible ... She had her lap in December. She was here today to confirm her pregnancy. Don't think about the negative. Think about what is possible."

Someone is better at words than me.

I borrower this poem from another blog because the words are so true.

I promise not to give you unsolicited advice about conceiving. I know you are relaxing. That stress isn’t the problem and a vacation isn’t the answer. I’m also very aware that how it finally worked for me (or my cousin or my neighbor or my grandma’s friend’s great-niece) probably isn’t the cure for you. I’ll never assume I have the answer to your prayers…I promise.

I promise not to complain about my kids in front of you. We all know that raising children is challenging. I’m also aware you’d give your left arm to be knee deep in messy diapers and snotty noses. There’ll be no child-related venting to you…I promise.

I promise to include you in our family related activities and understand when you decline. I know you love my family. I also understand being around little ones can be hard for you right now. I’ll be sad that you’re not there, so I’ll continue to pray fervently for your miracle…I promise.

Most importantly, I promise to be here when you need me. I’ll listen emp

I can't help stupid

At 911, I would guess that about 10 percent of our calls are true emergencies. Death is right around the corner. Patient is circling the drain. We might as well send the coroner with the police. You know? The real scary crap you see on TV. The ones that send your butthole pucker factor to level 10.

About 40 percent are the "get them there quick before shit goes farther south" kind of calls.

The others range from needing reports for lost wallet, minor traffic accident, tree in the road, water leak, child custody, etc. they're what's called a non-emergency but still require an officer, road crew or other personnel.

Then there are the truly special calls. As a dispatcher you may get a real stupid stupid stupid call like 1 percent of the time.

Today, I got that call. Before I share the transcript, go hug your local 911 dispatchers, firemen, paramedics and police officers. Or better yet take them a Chil Fil A chicken minis tray. They deserve medals for the shat they put up with daily.

Prepare for stupid:

911: where is your emergency?
Caller: I live at xxxxxx road and someone broke into my vehicle last night.

911: tell me exactly what happened.
C: I came outside and the window is busted out.

911: Is anything missing?
C: I don't know I haven't unlocked the truck yet. The window is not actually broken. The entire window is missing. Someone stole my window.

911: (pause. I'm thinking) Sir, is the window rolled down?
C: uhhhhhh... Let me check.

911: Go check. I will wait.
C: uhhhh ... Yeah the window was rolled down. Nothing is missing.

And that is when I died from laughter.

Grins and giggles

When I need a good giggle, I head over to Pinterest and look at the humor category. But when I really need a good belly laugh that's dangerously close to the pee in my pants level, I go to www.dogshaming.com or www.awkwardfamilyphotos.com.

Go to both. Your sense of humor will thank me later.

TTGP related: surgery is Jan 10. Nothing new to report. Just waiting.

Sucks for you!

True story.

Stopped at a red light today, I heard my neighboring car honk. I looked at the four prepubescent boys in the red Chevy Aveo (sing in your head: they see me rolling, they're not hating) and these boys hold up a sign that says "Obama sucks."

I shook my head and cursed the youth of America and turned to wait on my green light.

::honk honk::

I turn and see a new sign.

"Blow me?!"

I grin from ear to ear, roll down my window and the boys follow suit. By now I know they went from six to midnight with the thought of a blowjob.

Me: (smiles sweetly) "I only blow Obama supporters."

::drives away::

This new year is starting off right.