How many are in there????

We have ONE!!!!

Everything looks good and right on track. Dr A said he could see the fetal pole. We won't be able to see the heartbeat until after next week. 

I may stay with him through 9 weeks and I could have possibly two more US with him. My next one is set for two weeks from today, and we should be able to see the heartbeat at that time. 

Without anything further, here's the proof that this whole pregnancy is getting real! 

6 week list all the things!!!!

***I have no idea why this is showing that it posted a couple days ago. Correct post date is Monday, Sept. 2, 2013. ***

My mornings: Yay! My pants fit. Boo. My boobs hurt. There is weird mix of pain and pleasure every time I take off my bra.

My nights: Sooo, soooo tired. The past three days I've taken an hour nap each day and still went to bed before 11 p.m. 

How far along: 6 weeks according to IUI date. RE may change my due date based on my next US. 

How big is baby: Baby is a sweet pea and is about .25 inches. It will double in size again this week and be measurable by weight next week. 

Weight: Before the start of my last cycle I was 123. Then I had some bloating/OHSS and was up to almost 130 at one point right before the BFP. By the time it settled down I was 125 and have stayed there since the BFP. 

How I’m changing: My boobs have went from a 34B to a 34C and I'm closing my belt at one larger size now. 

What I miss: I miss running. I only went for one 2 mile walk/jog a couple days ago and I got scared because I was cramping some afterwards. Since then, I've been afraid to jog again. I hope to go for another couple mile walk tonight. 

Symptoms: Since I only started this check in at week 6, let me recap what I had prior to this week for history's sake. 

It was amazing how quickly the symptoms came after my BFP. My boobs were sore to start with from the Progesterone gel and have continued to be worse some days than others. During week 4, I had a lot of cramps and tugging. There was a couple of days of dizziness thrown in there. I was hungry every couple of hours. Thanks to y'all's advice, I packed quick snacks of grapes, apples, blueberries, etc. for work. I've eaten Ritz crackers and spoonfuls of peanut butter for those little moments when I can't make myself something. 

Week 5 continued with sore boobs and the cramps died down some. I had one really bad day of dizziness. I didn't eat after 4:30 p.m. and went to bed early. That night I woke up with terrible dizziness and no matter what I ate, it wouldn't go away until the next evening. I've had two waves of nausea that both happened after I ate large meals. 

Week 6 is just starting out. Today, I've had a little cramping and the boobs are still like little bowling balls on my chest. I'm wearing a sports bra 90% of the time, even at night. The fatigue has hit like a Mack truck. I've taken a nap the past four days. When it hit at work, it was all I could do to hold my head off my keyboard. I started getting up and walking around to try to wake myself up. 

Cravings: Nothing specific. Just hungry. It actually seems to be easing up some over the past couple of days. The hunger pains aren't as bad but I still eat pretty often and make sure to eat some toast or some cereal before bed. 

Food Aversions: Nothing yet. Food is still appealing right now. Thank goodness.

Highlights this week: At 5w,4d we had our first US and confirmed correct placement and that there is only one little baby in there. We released three eggs for this IUI so the check for multiples was the reason for the US. 

Maternity clothes: None, although I did switch from regular bra to sports bras. 

Stretch marks: None.

Sleep: Some nights I sleep good, but on the nights I don't it's usually blamed on my sore boobs. I am a stomach sleeper so I inadvertently roll over on them a lot and it wakes me up immediately. 

Best moment last week: The US and getting the first picture of the little bean. 

Movement: Nothing but gas.

Gender: I go back and forth right now. 

Labor signs: Nope. Way too soon.

Belly button: I will still be an innie for a while.

What I am looking forward to: My next US at 7w,4d.

Milestones: Everything is a milestone for me so far. I'm trying to stay positive but I have my moments of weakness and worry. But each day that passes is a good day for me. 

So many decisions. So little time.

I will be honest. After the first 8 months of trying to get pregnant and especially after we began IF treatment at the year mark, I didn't think about what it would be like to actually be pregnant. 

I stopped pinning baby clothes and cute toys to my secret Pinterest account. (Yes, I have a whole butt load crap of pins on an entire account. Those tiny secret boards weren't enough for my pin hoarding.) 

I stopped looking at baby items in stores. 

I stopped researching or even lurking on the baby and trimester Internet community boards. 

It seemed easier to ignore it all and face IF head on. Seeing the pregnancy and baby reminders made my thoughts darker and deeper. 

When DH mentioned something about names or anything dealing with future children, I told him I didn't want to talk about it. Painful can't even describe the hurt you feel during IF when you think, "This may never happen for us." 

I was a Ostrich sticking her head in the ground while I let God only knows who look at my whooha sticking in the air and do lots of lovely medical things in nether regions. 

The problem with my displacement is that now that I am pregnant, my main thoughts are, "I have no freaking clue what to do now!" 

I didn't think about all of this before. I didn't plan for what to do once we actually conceived. 

Where will I deliver? How do I see myself delivering? Who will I choose to be my doctor? How do I invent a chair that keeps DH sitting upright after he passes out in the delivery room? Do they make adult harnesses for hospital couches? Is the 1/2 Mountain Dew I just swallowed going to make my baby come out with caffeine withdrawals? 

See what I am saying? So many questions. Many of which I am completely serious about, i.e. the harness thing. 

 

The biggest question for me right now is where will I deliver? 

Having a water birth has always been a dream for me. I've wanted to do that ever since seeing it on A Baby Story or some other cheesy labor and delivery show. 

Research shows the closest facility to me is a birth center about 1:15 minutes away from us. Midwives provide the prenatal and delivery care and the center is just around the corner from the city's major hospital. On paper, it sounds great. 

In reality, my mind is reaching for all the worst possible scenarios. I will be pregnant and traveling during winter months for over two and a half hours round trip. Snow and icy conditions are a real possibility anytime from October through March. 

In a pinch, I could always deliver at our local hospital, but then I would be charged double with the prenatal care at the birth center and delivery at a hospital with a complete stranger as a doctor. 

None of our local hospitals offer water birth as an option. They're known for not being med-free birth friendly. They're eager and happy to dispense an epidural or C section to anyone. 

I'm basing this opinion off several birth stories from friends who wanted a natural med free birth and explicitly detailed in a birth plan to not even offer an Epi. However, the plans were often overlooked. 

Things change. I get that. I don't look down on someone who changes her mind and gets an Epi. I just don't want a nurse or doctor offering it when I've asked them to help me reach my goal. 

It's very clear that I will need a doula or close family or friend to assist me in my birth. DH has a track record with not keeping his eyes open during medical procedures. 

To date, he has passed out during shots, blood draws, my IUI, and a school first aid video of amputated fingers. (Think SPIRIT FINGERS but only with little tendons wiggling around) 

Needless to say, I don't have high hopes in his ability to remain conscious. I do want him in there as much as he can tolerate, but if he needs to step out in the hallway, that's fine. I just need to make sure I have someone to assist me while he is trying to keep upright. 

I have asked around for recommendations of OBs in my area should I choose to go med free in a hospital. 

So far, two of the options are getting mixed reviews. Another is the OB group associated with the local medical school and university. This is the same affiliation that Dr A has and the reason I have medical students being offered the once in a lifetime chance to stare at my perfect mucous. 

I haven't heard any reviews on it but I do enjoy having med students involved in my care. The doctors usually spend more time explaining things to students which in turn gives me more to learn. 

My decision is still being tossed in the air. I am not released from my RE yet, but I want to make this decision soon so I can get an appointment set up soon after my release. 

It seems like all of the little decisions I make now are going to affect my entire pregnancy and delivery and that large burden is a little overwhelming at times. 

If anyone sees one of these in a larger adult version, please buy it for me. KTHX!?!

Lesson learned.

I learned my lesson. I promise I will eat something every few hours so that I won't end up in this position again. 

When I first got my BFP, I wasn't eating enough and I was constantly dizzy for a few days. Once I started eating and drinking lots, I instantly felt better. I'm lucky because I haven't been sick yet. 

::knocks on wood::

::tosses salt:: 

::crosses fingers::

Yesterday afternoon, I ate a sandwich and then went fishing with DH. We fished for a couple hours and then got ready for bed at 8:30 p.m. (Don't judge me. 4 a.m. is way to early.)

I wasn't hungry when I went to bed. Around 11, I woke up sweating. Apparently, pregnancy has also sparked menopause-like hot flashes. Whooowee! Those things can make you feel like you're sitting next to a hot rock in Hades.  When I rolled over, my head felt like a balloon drifting away. I tried to ignore it and go back to sleep. Didn't happen. 

Around midnight, I ate some crackers, grapes, chex cereal and orange juice. Didn't help. 

4 a.m. rolled around and I still felt like crap on a stick, only now with occasional hot spells like the moment right before you lose your lunch. But, I don't have a sick stomach. 

Whatever it is, I don't like it. I feel unsafe driving. I'm sitting at work and I feel like I need to strap my head to the chair. I'm forcing an apple with peanut butter down my throat now. I hope it helps. 

Consider this a lesson learned. Must eat at least a snack even when I'm not hungry. 

Sharing the news

We couldn't lie to our families any longer. They knew of our cycle and were waiting with baited breath for the outcome. I did fib and tell them it would be several days after my expected day for AF so we had a little time to play with.

DH can't lie. He's terrible at it. So when his mom asked, he told. She knew my cycle and had been giving me some of my intramuscular shots. Simple as that. She's a no nonsense woman who expresses few outward emotions. I love her for that because she doesn't get excited or flip her shat when the poop is hitting the fan. She may not have screamed and jumped up and down to DH, but she was over the moon when she called me and has been when she calls me every other day to check on me. 

For my mom and dad, I had the naive dreams of a newb who wants to plan some elaborate surprise. My dream was always to set up a family photo and instead of saying "Cheese!" we say, "She's pregnant!" 

But, life doesn't always work out the way our dreams would like so we had to do something simple because I know they were expecting to hear something in the next couple of days. 

We drove an hour and dropped by my parents house. Mom and I had been planning a shopping trip soon and as she was fixing supper, I asked if she would pick me up something when she went shopping.

Her: Sure. What do you need? 

Me: Some maternity clothes.

Her: WHAAAATTTTTTOOOOOMMMMMYYYGOOODNESSSSAAAARREEEEYOOOUUUSSSSEEEERRRRIIIIOOOUUUSSSS???!?!?!?!?!????????1!!1!!!!1!!??1!?

Hugs were exchanged all around and Mom was in tears. Her immediate reaction was "We have all sorts of things to shop for now!"

As for my SIL and brother... Well she knew before anyone else in my family. She reads my blog. 

::Hiiiii Sis In Law. Waves!!!:: 

So when I announced here, it didn't take her long to read it here and go from cool and calm to THIS!!!!

She kept her promise and my secret safe and I was able to tell my brother the evening after I told my parents. 

I called and said, "What are you doing next April?"

Bro: Uhhhhh. I don't know.

Me: How would you like to become an uncle?

Bro: Oh My God. Are you serious?!

It was the exact way he told me when they got pregnant and I was going to be an aunt. 

Later that night, I texted my BFF. 

As soon as she called, she was in blubbery tears. I love her for her pure raw emotions. 

BFF: Are you????

Me: Yes. I'm pregnant. 

::cue tears from both of us:: 

That's all that we're telling for now. It will be a long time before we reveal to the extended family and then the rest of our friends. Like always, I have IF brain and I'm always thinking of the worst. Focusing on what I am thankful for and concentrating on that I am pregnant today helps calm my fears. 

I felt significantly better after the 2nd beta and didn't realize I was holding my breath  until I sank down to the kitchen floor. I sat there and remembered my crying melt down about a Lucky Charms box not fitting in the cabinet right after getting a bill for nearly $10,000 for my Lap in the mail. 

With that said, I'm hoping that more weight will be lifted off after the first US. It's scheduled for next Thursday. At that point I will be 5W, 4D so I'm hoping we will be able to see something. 

Annnnd, just for grins and giggles...

Today I am Thankful

I am thankful for my cramps. It makes me feel like something is happening inside me. 

I am thankful for my sore boobs. One of my biggest goals for parenting is to be able to breast feed, so I love that my boobs are doing what they need to do at this point in the journey. 

I am thankful for my family. They've known our struggles for several months now and they're always willing to help. I can't possibly list all the things they've done to help us. Ranging from financial assistance to emotional support during my surgery and failed cycles. To now, they are celebrating with us as we finally have success. (The post about telling our family's will come shortly).

I am thankful for my friends, in real life and my fake Internet friends. You are my rock and you've always been there when I've needed a shoulder. More importantly,  you understand. There is no need for explanation. There is no need for me to try to justify the feelings of IF. You guys knew and you didn't judge. 

I will forever be thankful to my injects donor. I've never asked if I can share her name here, but I did send her an email recently telling her of our BFP and how much her donation meant to me. I'm not sure we would have been able to do the injects IUI the second time without that donation. 

4 weeks, 1 day

Officially late for my period and I can't finally count myself in weeks and days. It's still unreal to me sometimes. 

I have to keep reminding myself that I am pregnant. Even though I feel completed different, in some ways I feel completely the same. Unfortunately, you don't automatically grow a baby bump to physically remind you that it's real. 

Other times, all it takes is a twinge of a cramp or if I move and shift my boobs to remind me that "ah, yes, I have symptoms." 

When I first started getting BFPs, I was dizzy and lightheaded for a few days. That has since passed and I've learned to eat more often to keep that from happening more often. 

One undeniable issue is that I can't eat enough. I get full pretty quickly but then 2 hours later I'm starving again. If I keep eating this way, I'm going to gain 100 pounds. I'm lucky right now because I don't have morning sickness yet but my stomach has been churning. I am attributing most of that to nerves. 

This is how much I ate today: 

10 am: cereal

12:30 pm: pasta salad 

4:30 pm: tilapia and broccoli 

7:30: blueberries and French fries

10 pm: Oreo cheesecake milkshake

It's now almost midnight and I'm thinking about warming my overnight snack up. 

I'm thankful that I am not sick and I hope that I never get sick, but for now, I'm surprised at this appetite change. It's amazing how two weeks ago, I was not like this at all and now it's completely flipped my life around. In a good way. 

My immediate family members and my BFF know about the BFP and all have been sworn to secrecy. During my talk with my BFF and SIL last night I said, "I know so much about infertility and treatments. I've spent two years trying to get pregnant. But, now that I'm pregnant, I don't have a clue what to do." 

I guess there's not much else to do but eat when I feel like it, drink water and take care of myself. 

Milkshakes are considered good for me. Right?