Confused but still moving towards something

It's confusing where to go from here.

We have several options. A medicated injects cycle with IUI, medicated Femara with IUI or go back to unmedicated cycles and try on our own.

The first is more expensive and upwards of $1,200 for one cycle. The chance of it working is 25%.

That's much better than the 9% chance with Femara and IUI. I don't even want to think about the chance of getting a BFP on a natural cycle, because I know it's low enough to trample all over any hopes that I have.

While I wish to become pregnant and carry my own child more than anything else, I know that there is a chance it may never happen. If we had endless finances or IF insurance coverage the chance of that happening would be probable. We would continue spending money or doing what insurance would cover. But that's no where near an option.

Right now, we are faced with the question of "Should we use all of your savings on IF treatments which don't provide a promise of a baby at the end?" or "Should we stop IF treatments and save up for adoption?"

There is no guarantee with adoption either and it contains many pitfalls and opportunities for disappointment and heartache, but it seems like the logical option for growing our family. We know one family who has done Domestic Infant Adoption and a couple others that have done foster to adopt.

I don't have an answer to the life altering questions right now, but it's something that's constantly on my mind. I need to focus on today and not worry about tomorrow yet, but not having a plan feels like I am giving up or not fully putting my heart into everything. Double edged sword is how I would describe how it feels better to research and educate myself on all the options, but the flip side is painful because I don't know that I will ever be ready to move on to the next step. Maybe because I haven't exhausted all of the efforts yet to get pregnant ourselves?

That is key in the step towards adoption is that you have to mourn what you can't have. You have to face that IF has won and move on towards a family in another route.

I'm rambling and this may make very little sense to someone outside my head, but it feels better to get it out.

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In TTC news, I am 5 DPO on an unmedicated cycle. I would like to see if my RE would run a P4 test to see if I O'ed well enough on my own. However, I know it wouldn't make much difference in the long run.