I'm lost.

I'm lost. 

I don't know where to go for support. I don't know who to turn to in real life. I don't know where to seek refuge on the Internet. I know I have lots of friends in both places but I feel like I'm at a turning point and I need someone to hold my hand and tell me exactly which way is the best direction for us. 

I've made a CD 3 appt to do one more injects and IUI cycle but I have zero hope that it will work. I've tried to rationalize with my mind and heart and wrap around one more cycle but the little person tapping me on the shoulder says it's not going to work. 

I may never be pregnant. I may never feel a child kicking inside me. I may never get to experience the fear, anxiety and wonder of birth. 

I don't want to start the meds over again because I know it will tailspin my emotions all over again, but there is not an option of a cycle break. My meds will expire after this cycle, meaning that the money that we do have left will not be enough if I have to purchase the whole kitten kaboodle of meds again. 

The carousel of emotions is draining. I have no energy and am angry non stop. My coworkers hate me so much right now because they don't know why I'm being a raging, sniffing, secretly sobbing psycho. 

Rambling is all that is happening in this post and I'm sorry. Even my mind can't get wrapped around how to type words onto a screen without getting lost. 

If someone finds me wandering around, please hold my hand and put me back on the right path, wherever it may lead.