The day I had a meltdown at Target

I watched mom after mom stroll their baby into Target. Diaper bags hanging. Babies sleeping snuggly in their comfy carriers.

One by one they crossed my path, each looking away quickly when they realized they were staring into my tear filled eyes. None of them knew that at that moment I wished to be one of them so badly.

Moment before while trying to eat half of a Zaxbys salad with my Mom, I finally got connected to an insurance rep following a long waiting period. I walked outside and learned from the rep that insurance was denying my Lap surgery from January 10.

Why? I can't even tell you because I don't know. The rep couldn't tell me either. She said it was sent in as an unlisted procedure which insurance deemed medically unnecessary. I tried to reason with her. I tried to explain Endo and the cyst. She was polite, as polite as she was trained to be. Not overly helpful, but at least she wasn't rude like the last rep I spoke to.

The claim is being reviewed. Again. I've called my REs office Wonder Woman Mary. Again. She's on my side and is willing to go to bat for me and speak to insurance.

I'm out of tears. If we have to pay this $9,000 surgery plus nearly $2,000 in dr bills it will eat up our savings. TTC will be put on hold indefinitely. I'm out of hope. With each fallen tear, I've lost hope that this will all turn out fine.

I've been in the dumps lately anyways. This was the final straw that broke me. I can't even count how many times I cried yesterday. When I would think "I'm all out of tears" they would start welling up again. At one point DH thought I had finally fallen asleep on the couch but quickly realized that I was crying. Again. He's been amazing through it all and is trying to remain hopeful.

I'm glad he's got a little bit of hope because I've lost all of mine. It took me almost 24 hours to write this post because every time I tried to get it written out, the tears would start again.

I'm still waiting on Wonder Woman Mary to call me back. I will update later if she has anything to say that will help. Otherwise, we will keep appealing the decision.

Thanks to the 3T girls on The Bump who helped with hugs and advice yesterday. You guys are awesome and I don't know what I would do without having someone like you guys to vent to and get words of wisdom from.