12 DPO spotting.

The end to another cycle is near. I can't even put into words how disappointed I am. It's a combination of another BFN and knowing that the testing with my RE is one step closer. DH had his SA Friday and the results were "good," so sayeth the nurse. She called Friday afternoon and left me a voicemail but couldn't release the specific numbers. She did say Dr. A will call me today.

And that's when the Peterbilt 18-wheeler loaded with a shat ton load of bricks hit me... The infertility is my fault. I marinated in that mental crap storm all weekend.

Don't get me wrong. I didn't want the fault to lie with DH, it's just that the reality of it smacked me in the face on Friday. I hadn't even considered pinning it to one of us.

Remember when I said I hadn't cried during any of these months TTC? I lost my crying virginity on Friday. DH had an unrelated argument which didn't help. On top of that, we had family at our house or were at other family member's houses so I couldn't even tell DH how I'm feeling.

Sidenote: Eff you 11DPO and your high temp. You gave me hope for this month and I hate you.

Anyshat, the next few days will go something like this. I will spot until hopefully Wednesday. I have to call Dr. A's office then (CD1) and make an appointment for CD 3-5 ultrasound. The only way for this schedule to work around the tastiest holiday of the year is if CD 1 is Wednesday. At that appointment, we will finally get the results of my BW and set a game plan.

Until then, it's day 1 of hell, I mean dayshift. I already feel homicidal towards everyone so today's bound to be amazing.