CD 20 // 8 DPO

I hate this time of the month. One minute, I'm hopeful. The next, I'm sure that I'm not pregnant.

I think to myself that I need to stop thinking about TTC. Then I think about happy thoughts like the beach. The water. The sand. How my family wants to go to the beach next summer. How if I get pregnant now, we could have a baby before the beach trip. Oh crap. Now my thought train derailed and went back to baby town.

I compare this month to other months. Am I cramping? Do I have any symptoms? Nope. Nada. None.

TTC is such a mind screw. There really is no way to relax. You can't just stop thinking about it. What's worse is that I think I'm getting worse as the months drag on. The first couple months were obsessive. The middle months, though, I was enjoying the time and was hopeful each month. Oddly enough, I haven't cried any. I'm upset and getting angrier each month but I still haven't cried. I don't know why since I'm an emotional crier.

It would be so nice if I didn't have to deal with the testing and could get lucky enough to be pregnant this month.

Until then I think I'm going to unplug this weekend and try to live a little.