Don't wave at people. You will only regret it. Trust me.
During my lunch break today I went to Walmart. This was my first mistake. The stupid germ spread into my pores and made me lose IQ points as I checked out.
Side note: I absolutely loathe chatty cashiers. Here's what I expect. Say hello. Say how are you? Ring up my items. Bag my items. Take my payment.
No where during these easy steps should the cashier comment on my tampons, chocolate, oatmeal or shirt that I'm wearing. Do not ask me why I am buying oatmeal at 0130 am. Because I will tell you that it's breakfast time for me and my night shift partners. Don't ask me why I am buying Reese's cups with it. Because I will purposely tell you (Mr Male Cashier) that my partner is ragging and needs chocolate or she will murder the next penis that she meets.
Anyshat, back to my stupid story...
I was pulling out of Walmart when I saw my shift officer Lieutenant and Captain in the turning lane. I drove by waving like Forrest Gump does when he jumps off the Jenny shrimp boat and smiling like I just smoke crack.
Needless to say, I looked like a moron. On purpose. Because I knew they would laugh and wave back. BUT, they didn't wave back. And it wasn't the Lt and Capt. It was two completely different officers, who stared at me like I had just stepped off the crazy train.
The bad part was I was in uniform. And they recognized it so they immediately asked my Capt who drives a blue car at 911. He threw me under the bus and let them run over me with laughter.
Well played Capt. Penis Wrinkle.
But what the Capt. didn't realize is that I'm the dispatcher who gets to decide which officer gets to rescue the guy off a porch who was trapped by a loose crazy bull. Paybacks are hell.
I like you more and more Suzy Q.
ReplyDeleteLOLOLOL... They have not learned the golden rule. Do not piss off your dispatchers. We can make or break your shift/ week/ month and even year if we want to hold a gruge =P
ReplyDeleteDon't worry. I do the smile and grin thing every once and a while. I stopped doing it for the most part because I realized I don't want anyone to see me/ stop me when I'm on my way home. I just want to get in, get out and do it at lightning speed.
They never learn J Macky. I tell them all the time that if they bring me cookies and sweet tea then I will save their butts.
ReplyDeleteLike when the crazy old lady who calls every other week asks to see an officer, I can choose whether or not to tell her she needs to put clothes on. I can choose to tell her to wrap her naked butt up with her afghan.
Or when I dispatch a call for two people having sex in the park, I can choose whether to leave out that the two naked people are both men.
They sincerely underestimate my power.
We share the same views on unnecessary cashier chit chat. This is why I take the self check-out option every time the opportunity presents itself. No need to be commenting on my ovulation test purchase, thanks!
ReplyDelete