From the toilet...

I get the same feeling everytime I get an email from my insurance company. Or a letter from the hospital. Or a bill from my RE arrives.
It's like a special blend of "How fast can my stomach contents be thrown up or shat out?" My mind always goes to the worst case scenario. As insane as it sounds, I've gotten used to receiving $20,000 bills in the mail from the hospital.
So when a hospital insurance rep called me recently, it was a good thing I was already sitting on the toilet because I would have soiled myself when she told me the most recent news. (Apparently, I like to sit on the toilet when I speak to people I hate. I also conduct a lot of internet research and important tasks on the toilet.)
The rep whose name rhymes with Valvoline said that insurance and the hospital had FINALLY come to an agreement and insurance was covering the portion that they were originally supposed to cover.
THANK YOU BABY JESUS!
And because Valvoline was actually a fantastic rep and wonderful human being she explained to me that if the hospital and insurance had been able to remove their heads from their asses faster than more than 3 MONTHS after my surgery, then I would have been eligible for a 20 percent discount before March 1. Luckily, I had spoken to Valvoline on Feb. 28 and learned of this discount option. I told her that I could pay it in full if they would ever give me a correct total. So, the wonderul chick went to her supervisor and had them override it.
So, not only did I finally get the 80 percent covered by insurance, which left me with a $1,800 bill, but I was able to get almost $400 discount by paying it in full. Woohooo!!!!
At this point, I still owe my RE, the guy who put me to sleep and some outstanding RE bills. But at least I finally have a total for everything now.
Now, if you will excuse me, I need to get off the toilet.