What's next?

Sometimes I wish I had all the answers. If I knew that it would take 10 more TI cycles, then I would do that. If I knew I would need IVF, then I would learn 100 ways to make Ramen noodles and save every penny. If I knew the exact means it would take to get the end result then I would do what needs to be done.

Life would be so much easier if we just knew the answer and could work towards it without all the other unanswered questions getting in the way.

I called Dr A and I have been granted my wish to move on to IUI. My feelings are so mixed about this that I don't know whether to feel excited or upset. DH isn't convinced that we need to take the next step into more extensive IF treatments.

His words were, "It's like stepping back to shoot a 3 pointer when a layup will win you the game."

While I understand his logic, he doesn't comprehend the other concerns of wasting money on Femara each month when the chance of success is slim. Right now, it's $140 each month for 5mg of Femara. The odds of conceiving with TI are low, some studies showing less than 5% while others show it around 10%.

With IUI, the chance of conception jumps to approximately 20% in some studies. Now, I know that each study is different and they're all different with what IF diagnosis they are studying, but the thing that worries me the most is that Endo can grow back.

My SIL is proof of this. She's had three laps done to remove stage 4 Endo. Dr A said right after my lap that my best chance will be within the first 6 months. So why would we use 5 of those 6 months doing TI when we could have a better chance with IUI?

My biggest issue is parting with more money. I just now paid off the lap surgery, which ate a big chunk out of our savings. I would like to get that to a better place again. I know that it's just money and I need to accept it, but in the back of my mind, I know how much we can afford to spend on IF and the financial burden of it is bothering me.

I need to just stop thinking about it and adding the costs up over and over again. I'm hoping that as time passes that I will stop worrying about it.

Here's the plan for this month: Femara 5 mg again. I responded well to it so were going to stick with what's working. My midcycle US will be on CD 13. I O'ed on CD 13 this cycle so if it lines up like the previous cycle then we will go ahead of do the IUI at the same appointment. I think DH is pretty nervous about doing his job at the doctors office. He wants to know if I can come in and help him. Lol. I'm not sure of the answer to this. We do live close enough that he could do it at home, but there's also the issue of him having to take off work to do it.

We will deal with it when that day comes, I guess.

The next step, which is kinda related, but not, is to tell my family that were not going to the beach with them. I'm 90% sure that we won't go for financial reasons. Even though mom is insisting that they will pay, I don't want her to. It's not her job to pay for my vacation. But I also don't want to feel guilted into going just because we will be the only ones not going on the family trip.